Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
