I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
