They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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