So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
