can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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