Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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