did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
