DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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