Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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