I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
