She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
