I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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