ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
