told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
