The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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