And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize