Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
