I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
