Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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