I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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