Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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