yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
