When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
