sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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