if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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