he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
farters have to be the big spoon...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Drunk is not a location!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
