seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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