Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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