Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Couch. On fire.
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