its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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