Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
