It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
