Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
