and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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