What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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