I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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