i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Small penises have feelings too.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
