Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
