dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize