You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it was like eating out sand paper
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
