Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize