He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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