She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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