Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My penis needs a shock collar
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
