you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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