hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
