i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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