Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
