The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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