I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
