So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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