He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
