I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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