You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
