I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
