the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
