I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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