Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
