I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
