My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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