that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
