she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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