I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
