Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
