We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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