I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
