So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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