I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize