so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We don't watch enough power rangers
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
